letswritesomenovels: Want to know what it’s like to be a near-professional author? Here’s a...

letswritesomenovels:

Want to know what it’s like to be a near-professional author? 

Here’s a brutally honest look: 

I have an MA in writing from a course with widely lauded alumni. My personal tutor was a Printz honoree who worked very closely with me throughout multiple stages of revisions. A famous author who read my first chapter in a critique session said he had no critiques of it, and just talked to me about our mutual love of language instead. When I was in my “querying” stage, even though I didn’t query, I had 12 full manuscript requests, including one from an editor at a big name publisher. I had multiple offers of representation. 

My book received decent reception at that stage. I should be comfortable in knowing that it’s not the worst.

Currently, I’m on deadline to finish my book so it can go out on sub ahead of Bologna (major publishing industry fair in late March) and I’m very excited–totally overjoyed, but I’ve had basically near constant anxiety attacks ever since the plan was decided. I have to do that 4-7-8 breathing technique nearly once an hour, or else I feel like I’m suffocating to death. 

THE FEARS:

1. That all of the edits to my book are horrible, that I’m only making it worse, and that my agents will read them and decide to dump me. 

2. My agents will try to sub the book despite its terribleness, I’ll be on sub for 13 months, and finally have to shelve the project, and explain to everyone I told about my book/being on sub/etc. that I’m an abject failure.

3. That all of the rest of my ideas will be terrible and unpublishable and I’ll never sell a book ever in my entire life. 

I thought very similar things before sending out my book to agents originally, so this all may very well be my anxiety talking, but in the midst of it, you generally lose all perspective. 

You may be wondering if I have a history of anxiety/panic attacks? NOT AT ALL! They started when I was on deadline before my querying stage. Turns out, the closer you get to achieving everything you’ve worked towards your entire life, the more terrifying the possibility of failure becomes! 

NOTE: my agents are lovely, amazing, talented people and I will not let my anxiety slander them. I’m waiting on feedback on the first half of the book from them right now, and these fears are reflective of my anxiety, not of them. They have never been anything but supportive.  

Also, if you ever notice me suddenly becoming hyperactive on this blog, with multiple posts a day, it’s 100% because I’m on a deadline/trying to finish a draft. Writing out what I know about the craft not only functions as advice for the followers of this blog, but also helps me better understand my own process.